Looking in the mirror hasn’t always been easy. I can never tell if I see what’s truly there or what I feel. What I am sure of is that lately my reflection has been plagued by blemishes and imperfections that have taken over how I see myself in the mirror. So what can I do to hide these flaws? Foundation or concealer? In weeks past I feel like I’ve just been piling on layer after layer of both. My openness with my bipolar disorder has taught me to accept that it’s ok to say that I’m not ok. I’ve been piling on concealer, figuratively speaking, to my mind and heart. I realized today that it just won’t do. What I need to pull off one of the biggest transformations of my life is going to take nothing but the best foundation there is. Not a single product found in the store is going to get the job done. I’m going to have to gather up all that I have a create a master blend. I need something that will both cover and expose everything. This foundation will have to make it possible for all the amazing attributes and accents that I add to shine through flawlessly. In case you aren’t clear on all this, I’m not talking about makeup at all. I need a foundation for my life, my heart, and most importantly my mind. I’ve been in an up and down battle with my mania and depression (duh, that’s what bipolar disorder is, right?) Like makeup, there’s so many tools, but which is right for me? The concealer I’ve been using is an endless stream of work from home jobs and obsessive bargain shopping. It’s still not covering the blemishes and imperfections. A foundation that I’ll need will have to be waterproof . Tears flow relentlessly at times, and I need something to keep me reassured that the work I put in with the things I apply to enhance the natural beauty of how I was brought into existence and who I am meant to be is securely in place. Foundation or concealer? Both? Today I don’t have the energy to apply either. I don’t want to hide anything or pretend I’m ok. I’m not ok and I can’t put anything on top of that will make looking in the mirror today an easier. What I do have is the blessing of knowing what I feel and being free enough to express it. I may not feel ok today, but I don’t feel like I need to hide. I can look in the mirror and see all those things I don’t like. It stings, but I know who I am. Today is the day to be bare. To be clean. To be honest. Not all days will be hard, but the question still remains…foundation or concealer?
Worth the Weight 